The Place Called Home

So I started reading Romans recently. 

I’ve been reading through the Old Testament for the last little bit, aiming for a chapter a day (though that’s not always what happens). 

I’ve read through Genesis and Exodus, made a detour through Jeremiah, read some in Joshua. Now I’m in Numbers. And I felt a draw a few chapters into Numbers to go to the New Testament. To take some time with my newfound perspective of Old Testament traditions and Law and get to know the gospel again. 

I didn’t realize how much I needed that. 

The Old Testament Law was so detailed and it was intended to make the Israelites holy. To mark them as God’s people. 

But the Law is unattainable. God knows that. But He’s also just and He won’t change the Law just because it’s hard. 

And then the gospel comes in. 

God knows His people can’t get to Him on their own. So He makes them a promise that He’ll send someone to set them free. 

And Jesus subverts all of their expectations. As God tends to do. 

The Israelites expect this grand king to come in and quite literally set them free of their earthly rulers. 

But Jesus had a grander purpose than that.

And Paul lays that out so perfectly in Romans. 

You can see God’s hand at work in Paul’s writing too. Romans 1:9-10 says that Paul always prays about the Roman church, “asking that somehow by God’s will I may now at last succeed in coming to you.” He continues in verse 13 to say that he “often intended to come… but thus far [had] been prevented.”

He wanted so badly to go to Rome and meet with the church there in person, to talk with them face to face. But he kept getting stopped and so he wrote them a letter in the meantime. Which is the letter we probably use the most to explain the gospel. 

God knows what He’s doing. Even if it looks like nothing is working out on your end. 

I’ve been waiting for some things from God for a while too and I go back and forth all the time in trusting Him to come through and stressing myself out trying to do it myself. 

And in that one section of Paul longing to go to Rome and being stopped, thus prompting him to write what is probably one of the most referenced books of the Bible, God helped me to see that my setbacks aren’t always setbacks. He knows what He’s doing. 

I’m excited to see what He does. How He grows me in my relationship with Him. To see how He makes me more like Him. Because I know He’s working. And at the moment I just feel unqualified for anything He wants me to do. I see the distance between where I’m at and the end but this growth isn’t meant to be a quick thing. 

God is so intentional with us. Full of care and attention. He takes His time with us. For our own sakes and also because He loves us so much He doesn’t want to rush anything. He absolutely could just snap His fingers and make us perfect but then we miss out on the depths of Him. We miss out on a deeper relationship with Him. 

So while I’m still waiting for Him to fulfill some things in my life, I know too that He’s not staying still. He’s working. He’s bringing me closer to Him and helping me get to know Him better. More personally. 

And He’s also reminding me that waiting on a promise isn’t the end goal. At all. He gives us good gifts because He loves us and because He wants to turn us to Him. The same reason He disciplines us. 

Everything that God does is meant to draw us closer to Him. All of history is God trying to get our attention and have a relationship with His people. 

It’s the entire reason He sent Jesus in the first place. To get to us. To bring us to Him. 

I want that. I want more of Him. I want to want Him more than I want what He has for me. 

And that’s not always true of me. So often I get my priorities mixed up and I end up feeling like the Israelites in the desert, wandering in the wilderness, waiting for a promise instead of following the God who gave it. 

God’s word always comes to pass. I’m not giving up on trusting Him for His word. But as much as I look forward to seeing His words come to fruition, I want to want God more than what He can do for me. 

My relationship with God is more important than anything else. Even if I don’t always believe that or show it with my thoughts and actions. 

It’s fine to be excited and hopeful and expectant for God’s promises. It’s good. Be hopeful. Be expectant. Be excited. But remember who’s fulfilling those promises. 

I have a whole post on some verses to help you hold onto that hope. But they won’t mean much if you don’t know the God who makes those promises. Who gives you that hope. 

Lean into God Himself. Not just His hands. 

This is an ongoing thing He’s been teaching me. Showing me where I hold onto things too tightly. Where I run to Him only for certain things. He wants all of me. Not just the part of me that’s waiting for something or the part that needs something. 

God wants me. Not what I can do for Him. And He deserves that same love in return. Much more than that even. 

But He also doesn’t hold that against me. He knew that I would get my priorities mixed up. He knew I’d chase the things He could give me more than Him. But He still makes me promises. He still keeps those promises too. 

In Mark 2:17, Jesus says he came for those who know they need a Savior, not the ones who think they can do it all on their own. So He’ll show us that we can’t. He allows us to experience our own failures so He can come in with His strength and make us better. 

Conviction like this hurts. Knowing that I frequently mistreat the God who gave me life, not even just once but twice through the cross, hurts. But He doesn’t want me to stay there. He doesn’t tell me these things to make me feel bad. He tells me so I can go back to Him. 

He tells me when I’m wrong so He can show me right. So we can have a better relationship. That’s always the goal. 

So if God shows you where you’re lacking (because we all lack somewhere), take it. Know that He’s guiding you to better. He’s not berating you for being wrong. He’s showing you what needs to be fixed. 

He’s drawing you closer to Him.